Category: News and Views
Right, those of you who have kept an ear to the ground, kept up with the news, or simply read the numerous debates over the hapless David blunkett and his Cassanova instincts may know that a musical of the man's life is now planned. The show, which will apparently hit the stage in March 2005, is highly likely to be a west end hit according to the brains behind the idea. he does admit, however, that the whole production must be put together very quickly, so I thought we might be able to help. The idea is that we have to come up with a title, a cast, and any songs we think should be in this musical (Within reason of course). With this mission in mind, does anyone have an idea for a title? I thought 'Nannygate' might do, but that might be too predictable. As well as this, which zoners would you include in the musical, and who would they play? Who would be David Blunkett, Margaret Thatcher, Tony blair? These are just three of the roles that need to be filled. I'm going to start the ball rolling on this one. i vote that Goblin be casted as defence secreetary Geoff Hoom, then we can have a tragic scene towards the end of the show where he abolishes the black Watch! I also vote that CG be John Prescott, the deputy prime minister, but you'll have to do your research or wait for another poster to figure out the reason for that nomination. I realise I might be appealing to a rather limited audience here, but this should be an amusing bit of festive banter.
And one can't forget the starring role of Kimberley Quinn, who would best suit playing her?
Well I'm very surprised you haven't got me down for Kimberley LL, I would be perfect for the role...Now when do rehearsals start? Haven't figured out yet why CG is Johnny P...any clues hmmmm? Frey.
The Black Watch have been betrayed in the worst way possible by a complete and utter coward There are many who feel the regiments were put to the sword to pay for this outdated and unnecessary Euro fighter
Is it safe to assume that we will give up using ground troops in favour of the american tactic of bombing everything and everyone to nothing I suspect so .
I hope my son 1 day forgives me for bringing him in to a world run by imbicels!
You know, Goblin, that's really not what your role is about. You really ought to make more of an effort to get into character. try saying things like: 'Strategic reorganisation is necessary for a modern armed forces', or 'The black watch will still be able to use their name'. that should help ease you into the character. Anyway please don't turn this into one of your black watch crusades, this is supposed to be a light-hearted topic. Freya I think that some of CG's sentences are not unlike those our beloved Mr Prescott uses, in that they're difficult to follow. It's an endearing feature in a way.
Don't you dare order me around pal that is NOT a wise move right now!.
Dear oh dear it's only a musical! Guess I'll have to find another Geoff Hoom then? Freya your role as Kimberley quinn is confirmed.
i wonder about cg as john p. have her sentances got enough punch! hehehehehehe! bad joke!
Hm, still wondering who will play the roll of mr Blunket himself, .. may be we'll call him mr Blanket to make the play more politically rorrect. I wonder who is good at rude responses to chit chatty comments at social events .. any name springs to mind ?
This show is not going to be politically correct if I'm the director. Plenty of jokes about Blunkett's blindness. I appreciate the joke, Dobin, had quite forgotten about that little incident! How about Wildebrew as Tony Blair?
Indeed, I stand by my Blunket no matter what he does indeed, and I shall make a lot of outrqageous comment on Iraq and my friend Bush who, apparently, shares my taste for tooth paste, a most "bonding" experience (almost as "bonding" as glue would be).
cheers
-the Prime Minster
hehehehehehehehehe! I think you're the prime minister rather than the prime minster old lad, a minster being as it is part of a cathedral! Hence the York Minster etc. and I don't think you're either as mighty or as permanent as that structure! So, another post fulfilled....who would you like to be your wife, Cherie blair?
And we still need someone to play the nanny of course. Any ideas of songs to go in this musical?
Hmm, I call for any wife nominees, they will be treated royally of course and may even get to sleep with my friend Blunket behind my back if they so desire. I have certain folks in mind but will have to conduct nigotiations in private .. volunteers are certainly always welcome. ;)
The prime minster ;)
Now that is very tempting, Mr. Prime Minister ... I was going to apply for the role of the famous guide dog, but after having read the last few posts I might have to reconsider.
Come now Susanne I'm sure you look far nicer than that! far too nice to be either Ted, Lucy or sady, who have all had the misfortune to be Mr Blunkett's guide dogs over the years. But excellent, this show is really coming together now darlings! I once did a bit of TV drama and the producer kept referring to us as 'darlings' so I presume that this is the secret to success. we still need to fill other roles such as Mr Blunkett himself.
And Margaret Thatcher.
Sussanne, I am most honorred (or should I say honnoured) to accept your offer as the Prime Minster's wife. I hope you can take a lot of Bush banterring and be a stonch supporter of the U.S. foreign policies, if only for the musical .. play list will be posted later today .. but I urge others to contribute song suggestions .. and a script might not be out of order, herpahs cg could write the outline of the story and conversations.
cheers
-the Prime Minster
Just as an aside, the inquiry into the conduct of David blunkett reported its findings today, and I'm happy to say it doesn't look good. so the latest role I need to advertise is Sir alan Bud, the person who conducted the inquiry. Looks like I might have to be blunkett, and direct the show at the same time darlings.
and apparently it has now emerged that Kimberley Quinn's baby could have one of 4 fathers. So whoever is volunteering for her role needs to be someone who is comfortable with that reputation, lol
I have to agree SugarBaby that a lot of things are emerging at the moment about said Ms Quinn and I do hope that none of you think I have a reputation anything like that...absolutely not! I just have to have the starring role you know, nothing else will do of course. Now Lawlord darling, I was just thinking the same thing myself indeed you will have to be Blunkie and direct the show aswell, are you up to it sweetie? I do hope so.... Have you found another Hoon yet? That primadonna Goblin seems to have had a sense of humour bypass oh dear at this time of year aswell! seeya Frey. PS do we have to have Maggie in this, I don't think I can stand working with that woman!!
Did you say TV drama darling? Have I missed you on the silver screen?!?! Frey.
well, whoever plays the part of Mr Blunkett, it has to be someone who is very outspoken, who likes a laugh and who likes a drink! lol. Not that I am one to name drop but I know the man personally and therefore I think it only fair that i should be able to have a say in who would be the best man for the job, grin
Tony, dear, of course I'll be a gracful host to your pal George. Just remind me again not to serve him pretzels, would you?
You know David Blunkett personally? Dear oh dear the Lawlord's going to have to be careful with what he says from now on. well anyway, yes I'm warming to the task of playing Mr Blunkett, in fact my Blunkett impersonation isn't half as bad as I thought it was! Freya I think we have to have Margaret Thatcher in it in some way or another seeing as Blunkett's first parliamentary adventure was in 1987 when he was elected. Someone will also have to play the loud-mouthed Niel Kinnock as well. That part's not too difficult though, the only lines will probably be the word 'lovely' a few times plus a rant or two about how he should have been prime minister, what went wrong, why wasn't he elected, etc. I'm very impressed though dears, it really is gathering momentum this musical! I was indeed on the silver screen ten years ago, when I was but a very young person (Sorry about the lapse into Dickens there), in a children's drama which gets repeated from time to time. I have to say, though, that the atmosphere surrounding that production was not half as good as this one. we're going to take it to the West End, to Broadway, and in ten years time, the film 'Nannygate' will be shown on Christmas day by the BBc in the slot traditionally reserved for the sound of music. Oh and by the way, I haven't found another Geoff Hoom yet and it's a shame the most suitable Geoff Hoom doesn't want the part.
I still wanna know who is gunna play the part of the dog. that's sady btw not kimberley quin ... hahahaha
WE can probably use the real Sady. We could kidnap Sady from the real Mr Blunkett when he's not looking, which is quite often of course! But I want everyone in this production to look good, Darlings. So if Sady's eaten too much over Christmas we'll have to put her on a diet, so that she can become the real slim Sady by March when the show is scheduled to start. Sugarbaby are you volunteering yourself for a particular role by the way? how about Tessa Jowell or someone like that?
I'm sorry darling I just can't bring myself to stand on the same stage as that woman... I will just have to have a tantrum like Geoff Hoon and flounce off into the wings. Can't we allow for some dramatic license here eh?...
Real slim Sady indeed...Frey.
hmmm ... nope I would like the job of musical director, grin
Now lovies these tantrums aren't going to get us anywhere you know. Sugarbaby if you're going to be musical director, start thinking of some songs and lyrics to go into this show.
It's no good darling, it's Maggie or me...you have to choose (and i know which one I'd go for)! Frey.
Okay, we shall drop Maggie from the show so long as we can have the hapless John Major instead, then we can re-enact the reference to 'bastards' in the cabinet, and the rebellions that even a dye-in-the-wool Tory such as myself found amusing.
I wouldn't mind being Margaret Thatcher. And as far as song titles -- would "Three Blind Mice" be too obvious? Any song with phrases such as "love is blind" or "blind faith" would seem appropriate.
The part of Margaret thatcher might have to be deleted from the storyline I'm afraid.....you wouldn't fancy being John Major instead, would you? Or you could be Tessa Jowell I suppose, we still need a tessa Jowell who is apparently Blunkett's best friend. she cooked a meal for him the night before he resigned.
hmmm well a good song for Kimberley quinn to sing would be ... torn between two lovers?
Hm I agree with that, except off course that as of last Monday, it became at least three lovers. So we might have to alter the lyrics.
Rhearsals start in the new year, folks.
Awwww cheers LL...can't wait to get started I'm sure it's a role I can really get my teeth into...Frey.
ah yeah, so ... torn between three lovers, feeling like a fool, loving all of you is breaking all the rules, grin.
Yes the more references we can get to breaking all the rules the better! Now, I shall be gone for a couple of days with almost immediate effect, so any ideas for the show that occur to you during the festive period just note them down here and I shall attend to them on my return.
The same will go for me I am afraid and Blair's lovely wife has also disappared from the scene. I will be taking an artistic leave and will be bringing in new ideas, stage props and suggestions for partial nudity when I come back .. watch for my return on January the 4th of 2005 ...
Hail to the Prime Minster
All of you have a wonderful Christmas and new year's, drink responsibly, party hard, eat too much and do all tha good stuff.
cheers
-B
your director and holder of the title role has returned after the festivities, so let's get this damn ball rolling again when the cast returns and the post-Christmas alcoholic haze has cleared.
When do we start LL? Perhaps after the New Year alcoholic haze has cleared as it's all been one big blur for me lately......? And I am the main part of course. Frey.
We certainly must kick off after the new year. It will be interesting, won't it? I mean, we could be performing this musical at the very moment that Blunkett loses his seat in the House of commons, couldn't we? wishful thinking though to be honest.
Right then right then right then you slackers! Next week, the blunkett the musical project has to get rolling again. show must go on and all that.
Hmm, now I do realize this is completely secondary in the writing of a musical, but what about the plot, where do we start, do we have romantic scenes with mr Blunket and his part time lover or do we start earlier than that, do we show our heroes transcending to the high lord executioner, ee I mean minister from his humble beginnings as a shepherd (hey, I don't know what he used to be ). Just thought at this stage in preparations it might be time to at least mention the word plot.
... alcoholic haze is slowly dissolving and the hangover is setting in, what joy
-your prime minster
Plot darling? Why the plot has already been written for us by dear mr Blunkie himself...all we need now is a few songs and some music and we'll be away! Romantic scenes definitely on the cards I think as I am playing Kimberley at her most irresistible hmmmm I hope you all agree? Frey.
PS Will there be dancing I do hope so!
Absolutely, Romantic scenes, dancing, the full works! behold the lord high executioner, a personage of noble rank and title, a dignified and potent officer, whose functions are particularly vital....Wildebrew is it this Gilbert and Sullivan masterpiece you were alluding to by referring to lord high executioner? If so, probably wouldn't work in a show like this, so best perhaps leave it to the Mekado where it originally was. Well, seeing as the lovely Freya has vetoed Margaret Thatcher's inclusion in this musical, we can't start with Blunkett's lowly beginnings as leader of Sheffield city council. So the opening scene, in my view, should be Blunkett and his son after his divorce in 1990 where his son says something like 'don't worry, dad, you can move on' or something like that, then the opening song would be 'Things can only get better' which would be very appropriate as it's Labour's adopted theme tune. then we could have a few comic scenes involving Niel Kinnock, the former leader of Labour, and the weak pathetic fool John Major, so we could chronicle Blunkett's rise to power as it were, intersperced with meetings with the charming and irresistible Mrs Quinn, who back then aas Miss Fortier.
If anyone has any ideas of more appropriate songs, they should make them known, sspecially as our musical director seems to have absconded.
Sounds like a brilliant opening LL, but do we have a Neil Kinnock I ask myself? Obviously must be someone with some comic talent there for the funny lines hmmmm...Doubt we'll get anyone wanting the play the weak and pathetic Mr Major either, I do hope we don't have to play all the parts outselves! I'm working on the songs, although we could do with a musical director, where has he/she gone? Frey.
The musical director was supposed to be sugarbaby but she is currently acting in breach of her contract of employment and if she ain't careful we might have to sue her. I'm sure we can find a Niel Kinnock somewhere here, and as for John Major, a lot of negativity, a couple of chances to refer to bastards in his cabinet, Goblin might want that role perhaps?
See above, darlings, post 29. Sugarbaby thereby accepted my offer of employment by saying that she would like the job of musical director. My failure to protest against this constituted an affirmation of the contract. We're gonna have to haul her arse into court if she don't make an appearance soon.
But surely this will just hold up rehearsals darling? I vote that we just forget Sugar and find a new musical director, I'm very keen to get started on Kimberley now eh hmmmm!? Frey.
Absolutely we shall find a new musical director, but we can sue sugarbaby for damages for breach of contract as well and spend the award on the show. I've got it all worked out.
I do wish she would come back though; it would make things far easier. Wildebrew we need to find a Gordon Brown and maybe we could get a good fight scene into the show that way.
ok i am back and am willing to resume my post as musical director if you'll still have me? for those of you who are interested I have been keeping up to speed with the whole blunkett saga - for those of you who do not know, I know mr blunkett personally and have inside info - but that shall remain as such considering the circumstances ... lol
Well, I hope he has reflected very seriously on his appalling conduct. Not my words, but the words of the analysts of Sir Alan Bud's findings into his department's collective amnesia. I don't know him personally but have very little respect for the chap I'm afraid. But getting back to the musical, Sugarbaby I am very pleased that you have chosen to honour your contractual obligations and I can assure you that proceedings will now not be issued in the central London county court, or indeed any county court or the high court or commercial court, or any district registry of the high court or commercial court, or before the arbitration master of the high court or a district judge of any district registry of that court, against you. So, will anyone assume the post of Gordon brown? I want a good fight scene in this show!
The above is of course provided that no further breaches of contract are committed.
Well...all I can say is that if rehearsals don't start soon, I am flouncing off in yet another very dramatic huff and I mean that most sincerely folks!!
right, well I have been giving the matter some serious thought, and I think that some songs that we will need to perhaps use, and, bearing in mind Kimberley Quinn's reputation, adapt for our purposes. I think that, in the scene where she tells her husband ... honey? i've had a baby by another man, and ... oh am pregnant again by another man, not sure if it's the same one though ... we should have, and i have mentioned this before, torn between two lovers ... although this needs to be adapted of course, and in the scene where Mr Blunkett asks for access to his child, we could have ... it takes two ... am working on the revised lyrics for that one ... any other ideas?
Excellent excellent! the first rehearsal shall be next Monday.
we need some musicians as well - we can't have a musical without a band! any volunteers!
Yes yes, and a full orchestra.
Starting prompt at 10 am with molto cappucinos to get the creative juices flowing !!
Indeed and I have a couple of bottles of scotch for those darlings who are particularly on form.
Well, I already have a muical arrangement thing on my resume for a play set up by the Yale acting society featuring music by Bjork, I would certainly consider myself eligible for the rearrangement of the musical tunes on offer here, but of course first I need to know whther I'd be working with a full blown orchestra or 3 people witn dingy clarinetts and selection of pots and pans as accompanyment.
You haven't got time for all that old lad! You're supposed to be playing the prime minister or minster whichever one you are today.
Changed my mind, Monday afternoon first rehearsal....Don't be late! Kimberleyxx
Yes, just this once, we will exceed to Kimberley's demands as Mr blunkett did to his cost of course, and have the rehearsal tomorrow afternoon.
Well this production's gotten off to a fine start eh?! No director what shall we do...
Well this production's gotten off to a fine start eh?! No director what shall we do...
There shall be a director tomorrow, never fear.
I feel like our over-all director was in coplete breahof contract by not showing up to rehearsal today. I will have to hire LawLord to sue him for compensation or social services to make up for his no show and contract obligation niglect. The case will be, LawLord aprosecuting LawLord and I think it is guranteed that LawLord will win ths case one way or the other.
I shall be showing up tomorrow, hoping fr a better director turn out.
-B
Well for a start there won't be any prosecutions, because breach of contract is a civil matter. Secondly old lad, you could hire the lawlord to sue Lawlord if you wished, but mi' old geezer, the defence would be that you breached the contract yourself by encouraging a mutinny. I've every base covered, so watch yourself old fils, the end is nigh.
Nah it wasn't Wildebrew who encouraged the mutiny it was someone else...and anyways mi old lad, I think the production should be scrapped due to lack of direction at rehearsals. Anyone agree?!
Nah it wasn't Wildebrew who encouraged the mutiny it was someone else...and anyways mi old lad, I think the production should be scrapped due to lack of direction at rehearsals. Anyone agree?!
Dear me, it's always the artiste who takes the flack isn't it?
Artiste hmph I thought that was me honey!
You and me both, I am the home secretary remember? All that 'Once I saw a copy of that email, I knew I had to resign' stuff, looking forward to it and practising my crocodile tears already.
well my tears are for real LL...and they're not stopping until I'm on the west end stage playing young Kimberley. Ahhh the lights, the music, the smell of the greasepaint....!!
I only got paid £20 for my bit of TV drama......disgraceful! and don't worry freya we shall get you on the stage before long. There's a novel all about life on the stage I read when I was younger, Ballet shoes I think it's called.
ah but ll as mr blunkett you also have to be prepared to partake of a nice bottle of french white, grin
Oh I'm quite well-versed with the vin blanc. by the time I got back from Paris I could tell which grape had been used and everything. so sugarbaby, you needn't worry on that score. shame Mr Blunkett wasn't into a nice brandy and cigar though.
oh dear me LL do you have to be the expert on just everything....!? Anything but Chardonnay eh that's what I always say.
oh dear me LL do you have to be the expert on just everything....!? Anything but Chardonnay eh that's what I always say.
There was a terrible Romanian white, 1987 I think it was, which I mistakenly chose at formal hall back in good old St John's college once. It tasted like ribena, undiluted. Terrible! avoid it at all costs! Anyway I am pleased to announce that Robert Kilroy-Silk has agreed to be the financial backer for our musical, because he believes it is more likely to form a credible government than the UK Independence Party could ever hope to form. I did try and tell him that it was but a play, but he wouldn't have any of it. We need now to consider whether we shall accept Mr Kilroy-silk's offer, or whether he'll just be in it for himself like he so clearly was with UKIP.
I suppose the thing that worries me, put another way, is this: if Mr Kilroy-silk realises that he's not giong to just be able to muscle in and take over, he might get all upset about it and try to ruin our production. so there is the danger that 'blunkett, the musical' could fall apart due to a Robert Kilroy-sulk! hahahahahaha inspired!